Just for laughs ~ Ah Beng Jokes

(Act 1)

Ah Beng calls the telephone operator:

Ah Beng: "Could you please tell me the time difference between Singapore and New York?"

Operator: "Just a minute..."

Ah Beng: "Thank you."

Ah Beng got his answer and cut off the line.

 

(Act 2)

At a bar in New York, the man sat next to Ah Beng told the bartender,
"JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE."

and his companion said, "JACK DANIELS,SINGLE."

The bartender turned to Ah Beng and asked, "AND YOU, SIR?"

Ah Beng replied: "Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED."

 

(Act 3)

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite sometime, Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend."

It took me only 5 MONTHS to do it," Ah Beng said.

"FIVE MONTHS? Why did you take so long." the friend asked.

Ah Beng replied, "No, it is not long at all, look at the box, it says it is for 4 to 7 years".

 

(Act 4)

Ah Beng took part in the Singapore Manhunt Competition. During the Q&A
segment, the host asks, "Name a drink that begins with the letter 'G'."

The crowd shouts, "Gin! Gin!". Others exclaim, "No, its Grape Juice!"

Another smart aleck yells, "Alamak, Gatorade!"

Host : "Quiet please."

Ah Beng laughs hysterically like a hyena before replying, "C'mon man, I
don't need their help? I got more original answer. My answer is "Gu ni!"
(milk in Hokkien)

 

(Act 5)

Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it when he encountered some problems. After a few attempts, he decided to use the 'Help' command. Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer shop for support.

Ah Beng : "I pressed the 'F1' key for help... but it's been over half an hour & still nobody has come to help me...."

 

(Act 6)

In the class. Teacher: "Class, do you know the meaning of parents?"

Ah Beng: "Yes, teacher, it means father and mother"

Teacher: "Good. Can you give me an example?"

Ah Beng: "Sure. Cowboy's parents means cowboy's father and mother.

Also can say Cowboy's father is Cow Pay and Cowboy's mother is Cow Boo.
So if they walk together, we can say they are 'Cow Pay Cow Boo'".

 

(Act 7)

Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what
had happened to his ears and he answered," I was ironing a shirt and the
phone ring lor- but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally
picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear. So Kena lor!"

"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to the other ear?"

Ah Beng: "That stupid fellow called back again loh!"

 

(Act 8)

Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?

Because according to the advertisement, below 18 is not allowed to go in.

 

(Act 9)

Ah beng joined a competition and he was asked to answer this question..

"Name 3 fruits starting with 'L'"

he confidently said out.. "Lime.. Lemon..."

suddenly.. he halted.. and starting to figure out the last fruit..

"You have 10 secs left"

"10"

"9"

"8"

"7"

"6"

"5".....

"WAIT!!!! I KNOW WHAT FRUIT LIAO!!!!"

"ok, pls ans the 3rd fruit.."

"LIU LIAN!!!!!!"

 

(Act 10)

Ah beng and Ah seng was walking... Suddenly they saw a sai(means shit in hokkien) on the floor..

Ah beng: eeee.. sai lei..

Ah seng: sai meh?

Ah Seng used his finger to take the shit.. and taste..

Ah Seng: wah!! its really sai lei!!

 

(Act 11) 

ah beng, ah seng and ah siao are walking in a forest... Suddenly they saw a well.. then a magical person appears... her name is angel..

angel: i shall grant each of u a wish.. but while making tt wish, u muz run and shout the wish..

ah beng: *runs* i wish to become a bird! *poof, bcums a bird*

ah seng: *runs* i wish to bcum a dog! *poof, bcums a dog*

ah siao: *runs* i wish to bcum.. *trips* oh shit!! *poof, turns into a shit*

 

(Act 12)

one day, Ah beng and Ah seng was taken into an office building for something important,

one of the people took them up to the designated place to finish te job.

after they finished with their things, they went into the lift to go down, then Ah Seng asked

Ah Seng: Eh Ah beng, this lift don't have bottom level one leh, how we get down?

Ah Beng pressed the button with the "G" and they landed on he first floor

Ah Seng: HUA! HIONG EH! eh beng , how you know one argh?

Ah Beng: Ceh... so easy, "G" for level "Gero" mah! of coz i know lah... you bodoh!